Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize