I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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