the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
