You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
