I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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