So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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