I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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