Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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