i jhust puked up my retainher.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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