why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
