everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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