Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
