Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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