I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
