My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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