apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
