it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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