but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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