great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude i'm inner monologue high
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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