i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just high enough for therapy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
