I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
