I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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