I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
