This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it was like eating out sand paper
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
