Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
