My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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