i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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