The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
