I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He kissed a someone with a penis
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
