look no pants
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
