is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
