I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We left the knife in your bed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
