wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
