Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize