i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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