The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
