Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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