I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
