Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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