This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
