I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
