The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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