So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
