god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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