I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
