i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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