There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
