I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
