Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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