This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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