hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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