Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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