He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
