well you can't waste a boner
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
