Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
