last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
