Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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